Midwest Crisis: Miles in the San Francisco Bay Area
“Amongst my circles there are lots of tongue-in-cheek jokes about the state slogan of “honestly, it’s not for everyone” being indeed very honest.”
Miles moved from Omaha to the San Francisco Bay Area in California in January 2021.
Miles knew xe wanted to move out of Nebraska for a very long time. Xe had intended to move when xe graduated from high school, but life happened. The same thing happened when xe graduated from undergrad. So when Miles graduated from grad school, xe thought “Now is the time to actually make this happen,” and xe applied only for work out of state.
Miles applied all over the country and made the decision to move based on the best overall opportunity - factoring in how much xe liked the job, pay, and location. The move ended up happening very quickly. Once xe decided on xyr destination, xe had two weeks until xyr new job started. So it seemed very sudden to outside observers.
Hannah: What made you want to move out of Nebraska to where you live now?
Miles: I needed to get the heck out of Nebraska! The main reasons being lack of racial diversity and LGBTQ+ legal protections. I am queer, trans, and black. Nebraska is not a great place for people like me. (Amongst my circles there are lots of tongue-in-cheek jokes about the state slogan of “honestly, it’s not for everyone” being indeed very honest.) I would be lying if I said that was the only reason but it was a huge one. Even if I had wanted to stay in Nebraska, the laws are a huge way that it felt like Nebraska was telling me I wasn’t welcome and I was tired of fighting that.
Hannah: What do you do for work/education where you live now?
Miles: I graduated from UNO with my Master’s in Social Work and now work at a large social services agency in California.
Hannah: Would you have that opportunity in Nebraska?
Miles: There is definitely a need for social workers in Nebraska and I had lots of connections to that professional community which actually made it harder to leave. However, I decided that starting over in building connections and knowing the services available to people locally was absolutely worth it to no longer live in a state where I wasn’t wanted.
Hannah: Is that the main way you meet people?
Miles: I met people in Nebraska mostly through school, friends of friends, being involved in community organizations, and volunteering. I am able to meet people in similar ways in the Bay Area with the exception of not being in school anymore. There is also the added benefit of there being lots of community groups and free gathering places here that I couldn’t find or were harder to find in Nebraska.
Hannah: How has it been for you to build a community or support system?
Miles: I moved to the Bay Area by myself without having been here before or knowing anybody that lived here. (Actually I moved specifically to San Francisco first, which looking back was a huge sign that I’d never been to the Bay. SF is wonderful but very expensive and it’s not necessary to live in the city to take advantage of all it has to offer.)
At first it was hard to meet people because I also moved in the middle of the pandemic so a lot of in-person spaces were closed and there were far less community events and gatherings happening than there normally would have been. However, the opportunities to meet people with similar interests and identities to mine since then have been ABUNDANT. The amount of community groups and orgs is one of my favorite things about the bay area and what sets it far apart from Nebraska.
Some examples of groups I’ve joined and met people through since moving out here are a group for fat queer skaters, a group for fat hikers, a queer body positive gym, and a group for former foster youth and adult adoptees of color.
Hannah: When it comes to politics in your area, where is energy spent?
Miles: Since moving I have been less engaged in politics. I think this is partially due to not being in school anymore where there was easier access to information about what is happening and student orgs focused on advocacy, and because I wanted a break from it. However, the Bay Area is an activist haven and I absolutely could be more involved. The political landscape of Nebraska was a factor in my wanting to move away and it looks different in California, but there is still plenty of progress to be made especially at the state level and in other cities and counties.
Hannah: How affordable actually was it for you to move out of Nebraska?
Miles: Moving across the country is expensive and the Bay Area is expensive. Those are just facts. I was saving up for years to move out of state and was privileged enough to be able to do so.
Finding housing took time and know-how but I wouldn’t say it was necessarily difficult, again with the caveat that I was privileged enough to have steady income right away after moving. I moved a lot when I first arrived and honestly I’m just now feeling settled after a few years. I started with a two week hotel stay (due to quarantine rules for coming from out of state), then a month long AirBnB stay while I looked for housing, then moved into an apartment with two roommates in the Mission district in SF for about 6 months before moving to Oakland where it is roomier and more affordable. I’ve been in Oakland ever since. I have one roommate now and my commute is short because I work in Oakland now as well. Turns out I actually really love the East Bay the most for daily living and I live right across the bridge from SF so I still spend time in the city as well.
Access to healthcare has been one of the biggest downsides of moving to the Bay Area. It has been very difficult to get into providers and there are an exhausting number of hoops to jump through for every little thing. I think this is more of a reflection of the large corporations trying to do healthcare than anything. In Nebraska my healthcare felt much more personal and accessible and I didn’t realize that until I didn’t have it anymore. Access to groceries feels the same, though the prices are much higher of course.
Hannah: How about opportunities to explore outside of work - are these actually affordable?
Miles: I almost feel like it’s cheating to answer this question because I moved to the Bay Area which is the mecca for great things to do! There are so many parks. SO MANY PARKS. SO. MANY. PARKS. And I love it. The obvious one is Golden Gate Park which is so large it feels like a bunch of parks put together. I love the Japanese Tea Garden, Conservatory of Flowers, and outdoor roller skating rink the most. There is also a whole section of JFK Drive that was closed off to traffic permanently and now is home to some food trucks, ping pong tables, and other games to play. There are plenty of places to go hiking and get lost in the redwoods or along the coast both in and just outside of the city as well as dog parks and beautiful small parks dotted throughout the city. There are also plenty of skateparks throughout the bay, of course.
There are lots of museums and community gathering spaces that are free at least sometimes if not all the time. These include the SF MOMA, Asian Art Museum, and de Young Museum. My favorite museums of all time have to be the Exploratorium and the Oakland Museum of California. I also love the Queer Healing Arts Center in Oakland and DeFremery Park which has a very rich history as well as hosts tons of wonderful recurring events (there’s a dope skatepark there too). There are tons of cultural events and festivals throughout the year and the food scene is incredible.
Hannah: What has it been like to adjust to the size of the city you moved to?
Miles: Being in a big city is very different from living in Omaha. I thought I knew city life and I absolutely did not. Some of the most noticeable differences I’ve had to adjust to are the lack of parking lots, the sheer amount of people at any given place at any given time (I can’t even take a walk in the middle of the night without seeing other people), and the hideous amount of traffic. However, the population is directly why there are so many niche community groups available, so I’ll take it.
There is a difference in culture with not being in the Midwest as far as not greeting people on the sidewalk or smiling at strangers that I’m still adjusting to also (I’m laughing while typing this because it sounds so silly but it’s true and definitely made me stand out as a transplant when I first arrived). I wouldn’t say people are hostile or rude at all, it’s just a product of there being so many people all the time that you can’t sustainably do that. I don’t mind it because the “Nebraska nice” is pretty surface level. I think people are just less fake here. (Sure, someone might smile and say hi to me on the street in Omaha but that doesn’t mean they aren’t going to then go home and vote for anti-trans legislation and wave a confederate flag. I feel welcomed here in ways that matter much more than strangers smiling at me.)
Hannah: What else have you adjusted to in your new place?
Miles: Public transportation here is GREAT. I love taking BART and buses and relied on them heavily when I first arrived because driving and parking are a nightmare and took a while to adjust to. The cities are also far more walkable. I really enjoyed taking buses around the city to different neighborhoods and walking around when I first moved to SF as a way to get my bearings and just occupy my time.
Hannah: Some people feel twinges of guilt around their choices to move, either with balancing leaving people “behind” in Nebraska or for other reasons. Have you ever felt this tug, and if so, what would you like to share about that?
Miles: I definitely felt (and sometimes still feel) a sense of guilt about moving away from Nebraska. The feeling primarily came from thinking about the young people I supported through a trans social group I helped with and the many formal and informal mentees I had accumulated through my involvement in the queer community at large. It felt unfair to "leave them behind" because they didn't have the choice to leave and would continue to face the same struggles. This could be expanded more broadly to include all the people I know who are having a difficult time in the Midwest and just didn't have the ability to leave like I did but it was most apparent for me when thinking about the youth. This is definitely part of what delayed my leaving for a while. The way I worked through this was by placing my faith in the friends and comrades I had in Nebraska that were doing the great work of creating safe spaces and advocating for progressive change. I know that there are a lot of really incredible, talented, smart, and passionate people still in Nebraska fighting the good fight and helping each other. It took humbling myself to recognize that I was only a small part of a greater network that would persevere even after my departure. I am delighted to still be in touch with a handful of the young people I met and have found ways to be supportive of them from afar. While I do not plan to return to Nebraska I lived there for 20+ years and have lots of loved ones still there so I will always have an ear to issues affecting the Midwest and want to offer my voice and resources however I can in continuing to push Nebraska forward. Modern technology has made this possible in a lot of exciting ways. Finally, my door in Oakland is open to old friends and framily that want to come through California and stay for a bit!
Hannah: What do you wish you’d known before you moved that may help someone else who is looking to move out of Nebraska now?
Miles: I wish I had known how easy it would be. You just have to go for it! You’ll figure it out. :)
Hannah: Did you find what you were looking for in your move?
Miles: Yes. I found a much more diverse place with a lot more to do. I am glad I moved!
Hannah: We only knew each other through Zoom school, but from the pictures you’ve shared after your move, you seem a lot happier. How much has living in California been a factor in that?
Miles: The reality is that no matter how much you move if you are running away from yourself, you’ll never reach your destination (Wow that was deep. Haha). I think being in my 30’s and the work I put into my own healing, growth, and mental health during my life up to now absolutely contributes. However, I also do think I’m thriving in part because I moved to California. The weather is better, there is more to do, I am active and outdoors more often, and I’m in spaces and places that are more welcoming to me and the identities I hold.
Hannah: If anyone reading this is sitting in Nebraska, dreaming of moving to the Bay Area, what would you want to tell them?
Miles: There are always going to be pros and cons to different places. I do NOT recommend doing what I did and moving somewhere with super limited prior knowledge of the place. If you already know you want to move to a specific spot, talk to people who live there. Know what you need and what you are looking for and plan ahead. At the same time though, don’t let the things you can’t plan for stop you from taking the leap. You never know until you try!
Instead of plugging xyr own work, Miles shared a list of organizations in Nebraska xe recommends supporting, “if you are in Nebraska still and want it to be a better, more accepting state:” ACLU of Nebraska, Midlands Sexual Health Research Collaborative | Huespring, Urban Abbey, OUT Nebraska, and Trans Collaborations | Camp Bold.
Midwest Crisis is a new project from Hannah Michelle Bussa. People are leaving the state of Nebraska, but research on the topic is limited. Join Hannah as she interviews individuals with various perspectives on their choices - to move and to stay - each week this spring.
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Do you want to share your story about moving from or deciding to stay in the Midwest? Please email hanmichelleb@gmail.com!